DOMESTIC HOMELESSNESS

The first thing you need to do as a family is sit down and decide who or what you want to help. This really does need to be a family decision, so everyone is in agreement about getting involved and working together, and so everyone has a say. It's also important because the reason an adult picks a project is often completely different to why a child picks the same project. Discussion helps you understand the others reasons for wanting to help. It lets you delve into your child’s psyche and see how they view the world. This is my favorite part, the decision making conversation, because I learn so much about the inner workings of my child’s mind. I see his morality, why he thinks the way he does, his rationalizations for getting involved. They're so different from mine. It's wonderful to find out your child is an individual.

Recently my family took a three day cruise to Mexico. When we reached Ensenada we were directed to a bus supplied by the cruise line to take us to the main shopping area. We got off the bus and were immediately surrounded by small poor disheveled children, no older than four or five, selling chewing gum, bracelets, and other trinkets to raise money. We made it half way to the shopping area when my son started crying. ‘I need to go back to the boat, I can’t stay here’ he said. I asked why and he said he couldn't be around the children. He felt so sorry for them and helpless because there was nothing he could do. He could give them change but he couldn’t give them enough that it would stop the fact that they were living in poverty. Plus there were so many of them, he said he felt their pain and he couldn’t deal with it all around him. He saw their poverty, homelessness, ragged clothes, hunger, lack of education all in just one glance. He saw that Poverty, is the serpent that gives birth to most of mankind’s troubles.

Poverty leads to one thing that is visible in all communities rich and poor - Homelessness. It's an issue kids see every day; yet only notice it peripherally or not at all. Though when they get close to it, or it invades their safety zone it terrifies them – scary people. Why would children think like that? Who would have influenced their reaction to them, perhaps we as parents, their peers, the media? Why would they assume they’re mostly bad people, criminals, mentally ill, smelly in unwashed clothes and mismatched shoes, pushing carts filled with garbage and their belongings, mumbling to themselves as they ramble down the street. That they sleep on sidewalks, in alleyways and hold up signs saying ‘Will work for food;’ and block your way into stores while they badger you for money. Granted as we all have seen some of this is true but most of it is stereotype.

In reality; anyone can be homeless, young or old, men or women or children, single people or whole families. The formerly rich, the person who lived at the top of the hill in the big house. The three kids whose real estate broker dad, and financial analyst mom, both lost their jobs. The Yale grad who couldn’t find a job after graduation. The disabled vet who lost his leg in Vietnam, the grandmother with diabetes who has to choose between rent and medication. Homeless people live in cities, suburbs, and the country. Some have a job, some have three jobs, but many don't work for whatever reason. It's not our place to judge, it's our place to help because in a sense, we’re all really just a step away from homelessness.

Some people are homeless for only a short time; they just need a little bit of help to get them on their feet. Others, sadly, can be homeless for longer – months or even years. Some facts: on a given night approximately 1.2 million CHILDREN in the U.S. are homeless. Families are the fastest growing percentage of the homeless population – accounting for 40%. These are not lazy people or crazy people or careless people. They are just caught up in a whirlwind not of their making that they can't get out of. We need to help them if only to make them more comfortable and give them some dignity. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity.

So where do people go? Various people go to homeless shelters. A shelter is place one can stay temporarily while they don’t have a home. Shelters are generally not nice places. Many are very safe but small number are dangerous enough that people would rather stay on the street than have to risk their lives and goods for a night of sleeping with one eye open. Depending upon who runs the shelter some provide only a place to sleep, others provide food, clothing, job training, even medical and legal services. Various shelters have activities for homeless children like crafts and games and tutoring. The really lucky homeless are given help by the shelter staff so they can eventually move into transitional housing which helps them get back on their feet.

Why are people homeless? Big question. In the richest country in the world you would think we’d be able to have enough housing for all. But sadly that’s not the way it works. There is just not enough affordable housing for working people. If a couple makes minimum wage and works 40 hours a week equaling about $1000 a month and their one bedroom apartment costs $650 that doesn’t leave much for food, clothing, medical care, transportation and bills. Imagine that same income but add two children into the equation, one under the age of five. Now you have to pay for childcare as well. How are these hardworking people expected to live? Many as I said before, have two or three jobs and they still can't make it! These people work hard they should at least have access to have the basic necessities of life.

Luckily, there are many ways in which we can help the homeless without spending a dime, this is called 'donations-in-kind'. In this economy donations-in-kind can be a real object lesson for kids and parents. Instead of throwing out the things you no longer use, give them to someone in need, someone who can’t afford the basic necessities of life. Make your kids work a little. Have them start a warm coat drive, blanket drive, stuffed animal drive at school or scouts or just in your neighborhood. Kids can make hygiene bags – take a wash cloth, fold it in half, sew along the sides to make a little bag and fill with sample size soap, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, a toothbrush and a few candies. For childrens bags you could do the same but put in kids shampoo, etc. and maybe a tiny toy. Again ask your schoolmates and neighbors to buy a few of these items on their next shopping trip, send out a flyer! You can donate pots and pans and household items to battered womens shelters like Haven House, for women who are setting up new households for themselves. You can give gently used clothing, some places take used mens and womens suits for individuals who have been retrained and need clothes for job interviews. Baby clothes and school clothes are always in need, as are shoes and gently used toys and books. If you want to spend some money buy new underwear and socks in different sizes and donate that. When you go through your house and you see what you've come up with to give to those less fortunate, make your kids look at that pile and discuss with them how fortunate you all are. These are just a few projects you can do with kids of any age.

Another project, perhaps more difficult for some is the following. Sometimes you'll see a homeless person begging for cash outside your local donut shop or 7-Eleven, if you are opposed to giving them money, that’s fine. As an alternative, offer to buy them a coffee and Danish or muffin. Really want to be nice? Escort them into the store and talk to them as you’re both picking out your food. It’s called giving someone back their dignity. I won’t lie, some people will say no to the food, they’ll just want the money, and then it’s a judgment call on your part as to what you do. It’s a hard decision, but you have to go with your gut instinct. There are fakers out there.But when your kid sees you help someone in dire straights in a humane way, treating them like you would treat anyone else, as if there is no difference between you and them – and there really isn’t it’s just a matter of chance - it makes a real impression on them. My son still talks about the people we’ve met and spoken to and he now he helps people on his own initiative. By me showing him we are the same - a smile begets a smile which begets a laugh, a hello turns into schmoozing, and a good deed brings as much joy to the giver as to the receiver - it caused him to stop noticing differences, just seeing similarities. Everyone wants to feel respected, loved, appreciated sometimes all it takes is a cup of coffee.